Mezun’s Secret Waffle Recipe

  1. Preheat oven to 500,000°C.
  2. Mix peanut butter, egg nog, flower, & coffee into bowl.
  3. Drive down to the closest grocery store, since you clearly forgot to buy peanut butter, e’en though your spouse reminded you to 3 times yesterday, ¿why don’t you ever listen?
  4. I was kidding: you don’t need the coffee. I sure fooled you.
  5. Smash your hand in a waffle iron. This won’t make the waffles taste better; it’s just fun.
  6. Put bowl in oven & wait 30 minutes.
  7. During that 30 minutes, drive down to the closest grocery store & buy a box o’ frozen waffles—seriously, this is the 21st century: you don’t need to make them like they did down on Blue Acres.
  8. Waffles are bad for your arteries, anyway. A good banana muffin will fill you with the proletarian class consciousness you need to get through the day—as well as plenty o’ protein & Vitamin B.


Belgian, drive, hyacinth